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Dear Canada's Largest Financial Institution,
I have been one of your clients since the age of 5, when my mom first took me to a mall branch of the Royal Bank to open My First Savings Account. The account never did amount to much....I kept withdrawing the money to buy My Little Ponies, so my deposits never accrued much interest.
This past week, you've fallen on some hard times. Those computer problems have really screwed things up for your profit margins. Your stock is falling, and your clients are getting angry. In this troubling time, I just want you to know that I am prepared to offer you the same level of commitment and loyalty that you have shown me all these years.
That is why, when you finally do get your transactions sorted out, and my balance actually reflects the amount of money I have in my accounts with you (an interesting point worth noting: you seem to have no problem withdrawing my loan or credit line interest payments without being able to deposit my paycheque correctly, even though those transactions were scheduled to occur the same day), I plan on closing all of them and getting the hell out of Dodge.
I also plan on encouraging my friends to do the same.
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http://www.ocua.ca/node/1108